Counsel Is a Gift, but the Decision Is Ours

Counsel Is a Gift, but the Decision Is Ours
September 27, 2026
This weekend I felt the weight of a decision more than I ever have. It was about our wedding venue, but really it was about listening, hesitating, and finally standing firm.
Where it started
My fiancée and I chose a Baptist church in East Boroko. We visited on September 15, and I could see in her face that she loved it.
Why this venue
We didn’t arrive at this choice quickly. We looked at countless venues before settling on this one. We also honestly considered our own church buildings, but they are isolated. Getting there by public transportation is a challenge, and other services and facilities are hard to reach. With guests traveling from different parts of the city, that matters a lot.
The Boroko venue solved those problems. It has a good hall that works for both the wedding and the reception, great facilities, and a location close to the city, with easy transportation and a bus stop nearby. It was never about turning away from our church. It was about making the day comfortable and accessible for the people we love. We wanted something simple, yet memorable enough to treasure for a lifetime.
Because it’s another church, we still wanted counsel before locking it in. I messaged our Zone Pastor, and he was gracious. He said he would love to see the young people of our church married in our own buildings, but that this shouldn’t stop us, and that it’s good to have our church involved and witnessing the wedding. We agreed to talk more at the elders’ meeting.
Saturday night
On the 26th, I went to the meeting while my fiancée waited at home. I shared our thinking with the pastors and elders. Another pastor, one I served under at the Joyce Bay house meeting, spoke passionately about having the wedding in our church. He was so convincing that I told them I would consider 14 Mile and come back with our final decision.
While everyone was still talking, I quietly messaged my best friend to tell him where things stood. He wasn’t happy about it either. “It’s not their wedding,” he said, though later he added, “You decide.”
I should have made the call right there. Instead, I was confused and hesitant, and I carried that hesitation to my fiancée’s house, where her parents were waiting.
Her dad was calm. “Anything simple is okay,” he said, “as long as there’s blessing and marriage.” Her mom was a little upset, and my fiancée had so much going through her mind. Finally she said, “Let’s go with 14 Mile.” Then she began shrinking her own plans, until the guest list was just her parents and sisters.
I listened, and I could see she was unhappy. We cooked, ate, and I went home.
The sleepless hours
I got home at 9 PM and couldn’t settle. I prayed. I tried to work out. My mind and heart were still restless.
So I called my fiancée and told her I wanted to message our pastors and keep our original choice. I asked what was on her mind. She said she was feeling down about the venue but would be okay. Then she said, “Thank you for always listening to me.”
That line stayed with me.
I drafted the message and sent it to her to review. She gently told me to sleep on it, pray, and look at it again in the morning. I agreed, but I couldn’t sleep. So I told her I was sending it and that our decision was final. I pressed send. A minute later our Zone Pastor had seen it and replied, “Noted, Leader.”
And peace came, for both of us. We slept.
Sunday
On the drive to church, I told her and her parents that last night’s decision might offend and disappoint some people, especially our pastors, but that we would stand by it. She smiled, and so did her parents.
When we arrived, I went straight to the elders. One pastor greeted me and said, “I’m disappointed in your decision, but it’s yours to make.” I thanked him for his understanding and consideration. It wasn’t easy, but it was right.
We came home happy. The venue is locked in.
Taking responsibility
Somewhere in those sleepless hours, I realized this wasn’t only about a venue. It was about what it means to be a man, and soon a husband. When you say you will give an answer, you give it. When a decision has to be made, someone has to carry it, and I felt this one was mine to carry.
I had listened to the elders, to her parents, to my best friend, and to my fiancée. Listening matters, and I never want to stop doing it. But leadership isn’t waiting until everyone is comfortable. It’s making the call after you’ve listened, and then standing by it when it’s uncomfortable, even when it might disappoint people you respect.
Our decision rested on real, practical reasons, not stubbornness. Standing by my word meant walking up to the elders on Sunday morning, hearing “I’m disappointed,” and answering with respect instead of backing down. To lead the way I want to in my marriage, I have to be able to do that.
What’s next
Next, I’ll contact the venue to confirm, book, and pay. It feels good to write that.
What I learned
• Counsel is a gift, but the final decision belongs to the two of us.
• Leading means taking responsibility, making the call, and standing by my word.
• Leading also means listening. Her voice, and her “thank you for always listening to me,” matter more than winning any argument.
• Hesitation costs peace. Next time I’ll say what we’ve decided when we’ve decided it.
• Respect can go both ways, even when people disagree.
To everyone who guided us: thank you. We heard you, we prayed, and we chose. Now we can start planning the day.